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Just being mother of the bride

Catherine Loring was surprised to find herself at St Helena Hospice following a visit to A&E after her family became concerned that she was muddled and behaving oddly.

She has little recollection of what happened at A&E. After assessment, the hospital palliative doctors arranged for Catherine to be admitted to the Hospice, where she stayed for a few weeks before going home with the support of the Hospice in the Home team and SinglePoint. Catherine died peacefully at home, with her loved ones around her.

While she had been at the Hospice, Catherine witnessed her daughter’s marriage blessing and shared her joy…

Speech markMy youngest daughter, Anna, is due to be married in September and we were informed that it would be the best option to bring things forward. A blessing was arranged by Tim [spiritual care] and within two days Anna organised everything and the whole team at the Hospice pulled together and made everything happen.

I really wanted to be with my daughter and son-in-law, Josh, to say my little bit to them. I am in a wheelchair now, so it was a great joy for me that they were able to support me as I stood and read what I wanted to read, and that they can keep those words, should they wish to of course! That was a real blessing for me to be able to do that. The greatest, greatest blessing for me was my four grown up children and two granddaughters all came together so the whole family was there. To see Anna in her dress, well that was a very special moment, and to see and Anna and Josh together.

It's a really odd thing; out of sadness and everything else, joy can come. We had the celebration within the grounds of the Hospice, a wonderful place to have it, absolutely magical. Josh's parents had sorted out a buffet at short notice and we had that in the wonderful lounge here. My eldest son and myself like fruit cake, everyone else eats sponge, and the kitchen organised a fruitcake for just for us. How special was that? That meant so much. 

Image: Catherine celebrating her daughter's wedding blessing at St Helena Hospice

I'm not a makeup person but the Hospice staff did the makeup for me for Anna’s celebration and assisted me in dressing. It's all those little added touches that mean so much. Anna was happy to see me looking happy and content and just being the mother of the bride. The whole day was so special and I'm so happy for Josh and Anna that they had the day, although under sad circumstances. My two granddaughters were running around and playing in the garden where there are swings and a Wendy house. It really is geared up for a whole family; they are included in whatever is going on within the Hospice. 

I've been told that I have cancer. I have to focus on the positivity. Obviously there have been tears, that’s to be expected. The very positive thing is that while I was really quite poorly and didn't know what was going on, a team of doctors, nurses and others at St Helena sat down and spoke with my family and explained what was happening, so that they could deal with their emotions, and could then be supportive towards me while I was going through my emotions. That meant an awful lot to me, because to find out that I had been diagnosed with cancer and then as a parent wanting to protect my children no matter what, it would have been an absolute nightmare for me to have to tell them. 

Apparently, it's quite an intense cancer and I have weeks, which was a shock. The medical team, well everyone at the Hospice, has been absolutely wonderful. I ask a question, they give me an honest answer which is so important to me. I didn't want anything sugar coated, just want an honest answer, and they have done that.

The staff are excellent, very caring. They work with you as to what you feel that you need at that particular time. Everyone lifts you. At a sad time you can receive such happiness and joy at the same time.  The care is 24 hours. Last night I had a very bad dream and they gave me comfort, talked me through the dream, asked if I needed anything. All I wanted at that time was a slice of toast. A slice of toast was given to me. It was about one o’clock in the morning, how wonderful is that? 

The food cannot be faulted from the kitchen. They're more than happy to make things for you. All the carers here are lovely, and they do the most amazing milkshakes. Chocolate milkshake, fantastic. Banana milkshake. I had a coffee milkshake yesterday. Everyone has their own special skill which they bring in.

I’m on a big bed, a cuddle bed, and my family can get in with me and we have had cuddles on the bed, which is fantastic to have that closeness. When you're in a wheelchair or laying on a bed where you can't actually cuddle somebody properly, to have that personal contact and closeness and just blubber together, and then start saying silly things to each other, just having that smile and that family silliness, that is very important.

I do have a great big beam on my face because I just feel so blessed that the whole team have been able to get me to this point where I can now go home. They sat down, spoke about it, about the occupational therapists coming in making sure everything is safe. There’s a 24 hour service, SinglePoint, so if things deteriorate at home for whatever reason or if there's a concern by a family member, they can phone SinglePoint for advice or they can send someone out.

The team said they're there for my family too so if they feel that they can't speak to me, then there are team members that they can speak to and that they will support them. To me, that is everything because when I pass, I will have no knowledge of anything. My family will have to deal with the sadness and their grieving process. To know that the support continues on, gives me great peace of mind.

Image: Catherine cuddling her daughter on the cuddle bed at St Helena Hospice

I really cannot say enough about how wonderfully St Helena has helped me personally, my whole family, and within such a short period of time which has been very much a rollercoaster for all of us. The whole team has pulled together to help the family, to help me, and I know they do it for everyone. The fact that they're able to manage my medication and have said I am well enough as I can be to go home and be at home if that is my wish, I just feel so fortunate.

Anything anyone can do to assist St Helena please, please, please do it. Buying something from one of the charity shops, putting a bit of money into a pot, it's things like this that mean so much and adds to the coffers that help to keep St Helena going, and it needs to keep going, it really needs to keep going. To lose St Helena would be so detrimental to the whole community in many ways, but especially to those that need end of life care. 

Everything is so positive at the Hospice in what is obviously a very difficult, sad situation, and because I perceive myself as a positive person, that gives me extra strength to say alright, I've got this. I do have a limited time frame, it really is one day at a time. Time is short but hopefully we can fit quite a bit into those weeks.Speech mark 

Image: Catherine with an owl at St Helena Hospice
Image: Catherine having make up done by nurses for her daughter's wedding at St Helena Hospice
Image: Catherine with doctors and nurses at St Helena Hospice
Image: Catherine and her daughter at St Helena Hospice

This story may not be published elsewhere without express permission from St Helena Hospice.

 

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